Never lose that feeling
Done, finally. I haven't updated this thing in "a long time" (relatively speaking), proof once again I operate and write much more effectively under pressure.
The other night, before I drove back to Orange County, I parked on campus and walked around for about a good hour. I visited the usual haunts, and devoted a random amount of time to each part of campus I grew to call as my own until just now. I sat in the shadows of tables on Rolfe patio listening to the silence, and I laid down in the middle of Dickson Plaza and made a grime-angel. The entire time, as I slowly but surely emptied my pack of Camels, I tried to pin a description to what I was feeling but I couldn't. Sentimental, yes, but why? Still can't figure it out. If anything, I felt a pervasive emptiness. But why? Probably will never be able to figure that out.
The lessons I've learned this year all boil down to this: people, by nature, are evil. Everyone is a venture capitalist out for personal gain and profit. It's why communism failed. On the same note, you make friends for one reason and one reason only, and that's to eventually be let down by them. From that point on, you use that to gauge your own limits and flaws introspectively, and you ask yourself what you might've learned from your encounters with shitty people.
People all have one song, and they play it in their head 24 hours a day, 365 days out of the year. People will wallow in their insecurities, pump their chests at their self-imposed brilliance, and will silently celebrate their neutrality. Everyone likes to think that somehow they're bigger and more important and unique than they really aren't. Everything and everyone operates on their fixation on their own delusions and illusions; behold the birth and death of society. We were fucked from the get-go.
Being graduated is fine and dandy, but entering the so-called real world means shit if you no longer have anything to live for.
The other night, before I drove back to Orange County, I parked on campus and walked around for about a good hour. I visited the usual haunts, and devoted a random amount of time to each part of campus I grew to call as my own until just now. I sat in the shadows of tables on Rolfe patio listening to the silence, and I laid down in the middle of Dickson Plaza and made a grime-angel. The entire time, as I slowly but surely emptied my pack of Camels, I tried to pin a description to what I was feeling but I couldn't. Sentimental, yes, but why? Still can't figure it out. If anything, I felt a pervasive emptiness. But why? Probably will never be able to figure that out.
The lessons I've learned this year all boil down to this: people, by nature, are evil. Everyone is a venture capitalist out for personal gain and profit. It's why communism failed. On the same note, you make friends for one reason and one reason only, and that's to eventually be let down by them. From that point on, you use that to gauge your own limits and flaws introspectively, and you ask yourself what you might've learned from your encounters with shitty people.
People all have one song, and they play it in their head 24 hours a day, 365 days out of the year. People will wallow in their insecurities, pump their chests at their self-imposed brilliance, and will silently celebrate their neutrality. Everyone likes to think that somehow they're bigger and more important and unique than they really aren't. Everything and everyone operates on their fixation on their own delusions and illusions; behold the birth and death of society. We were fucked from the get-go.
Being graduated is fine and dandy, but entering the so-called real world means shit if you no longer have anything to live for.
posted by 99thdream at 11:29 PM
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